Guest Rant: Why Road Rage Is Necessary.

Hello folks,

So we have another guest ranter. Apparently there are so many of you that would rather not hear my opinion that you volunteer to offer up your own. I love it! One less thing that this lazy bastard has to get done this week. So Sarah Williams is going to share her feelings on most of us ;)

Cya in 7

Ok… Picture this: You’re driving down a street at 40 mph, and you pass a vehicle going slightly below the speed limit. Ok, you might be doing a couple over… or five. But let’s not split hairs here. What you see as you glance at this other driver actually sends a shiver down your spine, because you realize WHY it is that she’s not going the speed limit. She’s applying her mascara. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been driving around town in the 2C and had opportunity to see it. Seriously, she is into it, too. Rear view mirror tilted at some totally whacked out angle that would make a yoga instructor blush. She’s not watching where she’s going; she doesn’t even seem to be aware that she’s in traffic. Sweetie, I don’t care how cute you are. As soon as you open your mouth it won’t matter one bit. Trust me on that. All the makeup in the world won’t matter, so if you haven’t put it on by the time you’ve left the house, you may as well give it up.

I am also really sick of seeing every other driver with a cell phone at his/her ear. Your commute is not social hour. If you need to talk on the phone during the drive to/from work, get a head set, and get your hands on the wheel. And those of you who are living off my dime (welfare), YOU DON’T NEED A CELL PHONE. Until you can pay your own bills, get rid of it, and quit talking while you’re driving and chewing gum like a nasty heifer chewing cud. My favorite thing was when I saw a chick driving down the freeway with one hand on her cell phone, and her other hand on her cigarette… sure hope she had a 3^rd hand I couldn’t see.

But the scariest thing I have ever seen was leaving St. Luke’s downtown. We were on Broadway , and if my husband hadn’t had to go to a meeting after we had lunch, I would have hunted this driver down and screamed him stupid. We were sitting at a stop light, and I looked over, and a nice looking man dressed in a white shirt and tie was texting from his smart phone. He was driving a black Land Rover (Lyle rocks) and was talking to his passenger, another suit. When the light turned green, he slowly pulled away from the light. GREAT! You say, thinking he’s being cautious and watching out for red light runners coming from the other direction. You’d think that wouldn’t you? But you’d be incorrect. He was TEXTING as he was driving away.

Before I could stop myself, I did the unthinkable. I honked at him and wagged my finger at him (the INDEX one, thank you very much) like an 85 year old grandmother. My thanks for this gesture? He wagged a finger back. Yeah, not the index one. My husband was mortified that I’d even honked at him. I was infuriated. I wanted to follow him, but time was of the essence. I expect stupid crap like that from the teenagers who don’t know better, but this was a 30-something business man. Whatever he was texting couldn’t possibly be as important as a life if he’d caused an accident and killed someone, could it? Even if it was a multi-million dollar business deal, would it have been worth it if someone had died?

Other scary things I have seen out there? At Eagle and Overland: A guy driving while looking at the phone book… ok, sir? REALLY?? Program the number into your phone before you leave. If you can’t, at least pull into one of the million parking lots in that area. Why endanger lives?

On I-84 westbound, I saw a woman driving with a full size map open over her steering wheel. Hmmm… Let’s think about this for a second, shall we? Let’s take a compact car, put a stout woman in it, have her going a high rate of speed with lots of other cars going at high rates of speed. Add a few semi trailers, oh, and then, let’s give her a map of Idaho and find an obscure point on the map and tell her we’ll give her a million dollars if she can find that point while she’s driving. That better be the only reason she had that map out while travelling 70 mph down the freeway. Lady, get a Garmin. That’s what they’re made for. USE one. If you want to kill yourself, feel free, but don’t take the innocent bystanders down with you. Those of us who look and think, “OH boy, there’s a good way to thin the gene pool right there. PLEASE, for the love of all that’s holy, do not breed.” And you know, they always do… in large quantities, it seems, too.

Please, before you get behind the wheel of a vehicle, have your makeup applied, know where you’re going, have the number of your destination programmed into your cell phone, if you need to be clean shaven, take care of that ahead of time, but above all, get that stupid cell phone off your head. If you’re texting with it, and I see you, you better hope I have a lunch date with my husband and that he has an appointment afterward. Otherwise, I’m coming after you. And trust me, it will not be pretty.

Guest Rant: You Are What You Eat

So we have a new guest ranter that would like to share some words of wisdom. No complaints from me, that is one more rant I don't have to half-ass at the last minute. =) Take it away Emi Neubauer.

Cya in 7


"When a baby is born, they are a blank slate. "Fresh meat" so to speak, and most parents try their darndest to shape their child into a person who believes what they believe to be right, but what is the definition of "right" how are we to know that one persons politics/religion/(fill in the blank) is "right" while the next guy/gal's is "wrong"?

I will speak in metaphor.

I was raised a Ham Sandwich. My parents were not raised Ham Sandwiches, but chose to become ham sandwiches as adults by some door-to-door ham sandwich salesmen, and they bought the sales pitch.

They raised me from birth to believe in the way of the ham sandwich, and that ham sandwiches were "right" and "the only true sandwich" out there. I was not excluded from associating with non-ham sandwiches (which would have alienated me from my entire extended family), but it was hard to not surround myself with non ham sandwiches where I was raised, a pretty big ham sandwich picnic (maybe not the biggest, but next door to the biggest ham sandwich picnic). I did know people who were banned from associating with non ham sandwiches.

you still with me?

Growing up, children were fed the ham sandwich, and basically told by their parents that this was the only sandwich option available. So they opened up their mouth and ate. People would go up to "announce" their love of the ham sandwich, sometimes whispering in their child's ear what they should regurgitate about the ham sandwich. Even as a small child, I remember questioning the sincerity of these statements. How true can it be if someone has to tell you what is right and true?

What if I want a Turkey sandwich? Is that an option?

So, If a ham sandwich is a persons ONLY dining option, and they are surrounded by other ham sandwiches and not anything else, how do they TRULY know the ham sandwich really is the right one? Or they are just creatures of habit and comfort and don't want to get out of their bubble? Isn't it easier to order the same (usual) item that you know off the menu then to risk trying something new and possibly not liking it? That is how the ham sandwich (or anyone's sandwich) gets you.

I've associated myself with many ham sandwiches; some I can't stand, some I love, most I just tolerate, but I've also associated myself with Turkey, Egg Salad, Peanut butter and jelly, as well as many, many Roast Beef Sandwiches who dip their sandwiches in an au jus that many ham sandwiches think is a sin. And So It Goes.

But I had to deliberately choose to explore the rest of the menu. And I choose the Salad.

Its easy to just follow the line in the potluck.

Now its my turn with a kid. I'm not raising him a ham sandwich, but he has tasted that sandwich. I want him to choose what he wants to eat, It's my job to allow him to experience the entire menu and come to the decision on his own what he chooses to bite. Is that weak of me? Should I be ordering for him and basically telling him what he should eat? Not letting him leave the table till his plate is clean.

I don't want that for him. And I hope I'm doing right, but I think its possible for him to be raised sandwich less and still grow up to be a decent, caring, respectable human being, there are many people who are.

What about you? Discuss.

- The Vegetarian"

Thinking With Your Powerballs

I have been 'blessed' with a very active imagination. This lovely gift has caused me trouble on more than one occasion. The real trouble comes when my imagination over powers my tiny brain and I have a difficult time distinguishing the difference between real and not so real. It's a good thing I never played D&D, I'd probably have ended up like Tom Hanks character in Mazes And Monsters. ( Any of you old enough to remember that made for TV movie? )

Ok, before I lose you all on this random train of thought, lets rant about something that I know doesn't only affect me.

The lottery is evil! 'You can buy anything in this world with money' and for this reason we all do anything we must in pursuit of the mighty deutsche mark. Working sucks, robbing a bank is too hard, and being born to a rich family is no longer an option. So the lottery gives all of us normal people the hope of being wealthy without much effort on our part. All we have to do is spend a couple bucks to buy the magic ticket. Twice a week we are given another chance at our fortune. And we know that each time it is "our turn" to win.

I once stood in a line at a Circle K. At the front of this line was a lady that was buying a gallon of milk. I noticed this lady had pulled up in a Pinto. The hood was primer grey, the majority of the body was a faded candy apple red, and the driver side door was three shades of blue. The tires were all different brands, but they all looked as bald as Kojak. The lady was dressed in hot pink spandex and a half turn AC DC t-shirt. Did I fail to mention she was of the Weight Watchers drop-out dimensions? So anyway, this lady puts the gallon of milk on the counter and I see the cashier head to the lottery machine. Next thing I notice is the total on the cash register; $202.85! Holy crap, that is some expensive milk!

Admittedly I don't think the lottery really is evil. I think they do a lot for the community, especially in the public education system. BUT combine my lovely imagination with this seemingly tangible "golden apple" of instant wealth and it can cause some conflict. I don't buy a ticket for every drawing. I usually reserve my indulgences in the realm of fantasy for a jackpot of $100,000,000 or more. And then I just buy the single ticket, because it only takes one to win. But from the time I purchase my ticket until the day I realize I didn't win, my mind constantly wanders on thoughts of what I am going to do when I win. Notice when I win. My simple dreams of splurging on my family and friends are fun and harmless. However, I find myself subconsciously saying that the answers to my very real problems will come in the form 6 balls. Even as I type this rant, I am struggling to come to a logical resolution to several major issues in my life because I have a stupid piece of paper in my pocket that is holding the answer to all my troubles!

I'm not asking for your pity. I have been able to maintain enough cognizant reasoning skills to prevent my imagination from allowing me to spend money as though I had won the lottery. But I do know of, and personally know, a few people that are not so lucky. I have a friend that is in the process of losing his house. I don't know all the reasons behind his situation, but I do know that without fail he purchases a lottery ticket every Wednesday and Saturday, every week, every month, every year for many moons. He, too, is convinced that any day now his balls will come up.

So here is my rant to me and everyone else out there that has this problem. YOU WILL NEVER EVER WIN THE LOTTERY!!!!! I need to tell myself this every day. And if by the grace of God (or by some deal made with the dark one) I do someday win, then so be it. But it will not happen, ever, so stop thinking about it!

Cya in 7

That's Some Mighty Green Grass You Got There, Boy.

So you know how all those annoying talk show host (like Conan 'Rocky Dennis' O'Brien) have their top ten lists? Well I remember onetime reading one from some old dude. I don't remember the whole list but there was one that said something like " thou shalt not covet thy neighbors ass..." I'm paraphrasing of course. Maybe one of you have heard of it?

Well, I have never thought coveting was among the massive list of my faults and flaws. But apparently I was wrong. This rant may not be applicable to any of you out there today. It may just be for me. That is why I am in control and you just sit there and read.

I know you have all heard the saying "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence." Well I think that saying sucks! It implies that the grass is never greener on the other side of the fence, and that just isn't possible. It is impossible for the grass to be the same shade of green on both sides, so therefore at some point the other side really will have the greener grass. For us sheep, is it really such a bad thing to want the greener grass? We all want the best for ourselves. So shouldn't we strive for the "greener grass"? Does it make us bad to want those things?

I do believe I understand the difference between coveting and self improvement, but tell me if I am wrong. I see Bob has a really good job. I want the same job Bob has. I get the required education and necessary experience. I apply for the job, and possibly get hired. But it all started with a secret desire in my heart for what Bob had. Isn't that still technically coveting? Am I supposed to just say "way to go Bob for getting my dream job before me, but now I will have to settle for something less because I can't want what Bob has"?

Back to green grass, how can you tell if the grass truly is greener on the other side? Especially if your grass isn't bad. Do you just play it safe and stick with the good grass you have, or do you risk it and jump the fence to give the other grass a try? The other grass may be better. Or it may be worse, but in your haste to jump the fence you defecated in your previous grass and now going back is not an option.

You're in the mood for lunch so you go out to eat. You go to one of your favorite restaurants. Do you get the same thing you always get knowing you will like it, or do you try something new hoping you wont be disappointed? I bet most of us get the same thing most of the time. However, on this specific lunch outing your dinning companion orders a meal that looks particularly appetizing. This meal looks like it could even be your new favorite dish. But how would you ever know without trying it!? It sure looks greener.....

I'm sure you all recognize the dilemma I'm posing. How can you better your life without "coveting" at some point? And how can you really know if the "grass is greener"? I'm sorry to disappoint anyone that is here expecting some pearls of wisdom, but I have no idea how to answer these questions. That is why I am asking you.

For the sake of argument we are just going to stop call it coveting. I don't want to worry any of you out there that are still doing good on the "big top 10" list. Here is my guess at the question, 'how do you know if the grass is greener?' I think it has to be looked at like any other choice we are faced with in life; logical reasoning and measuring the consequences. I know this isn't easy. Especially if you really WANT that job, even though you may not NEED that job. I think our desires are the biggest adversary to our reasoning skills. Want vs. Need, hmmm, maybe that should be next weeks rant.

In conclusion, class, I think the grass sometimes is greener on the other side of the fence. But hell if I know how to tell without risking the perfectly good grass on this side! Your thoughts?

Cya in 7